It's been a rough week. And I don't mean the week starting on Monday. It's been since Saturday or so and I would really like a break.

It's around 10:30 pm and the baby is napping. This sucks. It means the baby will definitely not be going to bed at 11. I would think he's down for the night, except that he fell asleep at 7:30 and the earliest he's ever ever gone to bed for the night is 10. So instead it's probably going to be a 2 a.m. night. That sucks.

Actually, the sleep isn't really the problem. That is one thing I shouldn't complain about. My baby sleeps around 8 hours a night, and sometimes more. All at once, and he's only 3 months old. It's practically miraculous and I know plenty of other people would probably kill for that.

The problem is that G has started getting so upset so often that I'm having trouble dealing with it. My patience is running rather thin. And even worse, I think objectively speaking he hasn't really been that bad. So it may be me more than it's him. He may have just turned from a very mellow baby to a rather disgruntled baby and that may just be it.

Whether it's my fault or his or a combination of both, it's starting to get to me. I have trouble enjoying my baby time after I have to work so hard at getting him calm. And then the next morning it all starts over again. Today started okay, but this afternoon we had an aborted attempt at a walk and he was seriously inconsolable. That was basically my off switch for the day. Something similar happened on Monday. And he was very fussy nearly all weekend, even though Eric was around to help out.

I think I may be making things worse by worrying in advance about Eric's travel in the next few months. On those days I will be alone without someone coming home in the afternoon to take over for a while. Thinking about that is hard for me right now. It may be hormones kicking in, too, I don't really know.

It probably has a lot to do with the fact that it's difficult to take G out of the house these days. Taking him out is a crap shoot where you're never sure if he'll sleep through the entire venture or if he'll go nuts halfway through. Running errands with a crying baby is basically impossible, so I'm spending a lot more time at home. I'm starting to notice that those trips I take in the evening when Eric's home are feeling a lot more freeing. And even around the house when the baby's sleeping, I rarely do anything constructive. I'm in something of a slump, and that just makes it feel like it's all angry baby all the time, which isn't really true.

I guess I probably should have expected this to happen. Perhaps the first month or so with such a mellow little G it took me off guard. I never expected to really settle into motherhood, especially with so little work to do at my job right now.

I don't have a lot of elaborating, really. I haven't spent enough time in my head to get a handle on this. It's not something I really want to think about. When I'm baby-free, I tend to just want to relax and not think about it. It's not making the evenings terribly enjoyable for Eric, since I'm usually rather cross whenever he's home. I'm hoping this is just a bad phase for G and one for me as well. I guess we'll see in a week or so.